=D

Im going to make it simple and clear.  You did nothing to make this friendship work.  Stop telling others about your discomfort and tell me.  Tell me with your anger and hatred.  I asked you to vent to me and you say there is nothing.  I knew there was already something but you chose not to say it.  I see nothing in you and me.  You want to still be friends? Then do something about it cause I was done a long time ago.

Do you honestly think I will think of friendship when my heart had been obliterated into a million pieces?  I hope you never feel the pain that I did.  Keep doing what you do best and continue to play the game.

I’ll keep this short, and tell you what’s in my heart….

There is one thing that everyone cannot do in this world…and that is to lead.  Some maybe called to lead and some maybe called to support, but all can’t be leaders…This here is the lie that reality tells us.

God uses the weak to lead the strong, and the poor to the rich.  ANYONE can be a leader.  To those who are rising seniors of ODPC youth group, hear me out….it is us who are now the leaders of this YG.   Whether it is through pain and suffering, we must lay aside our personal lives and pursue a greater gift: to love on the youth group, to support the pastors and our brothers/sisters, to work in the backgrounds, to change the face of the YG.  Even though it is our selfish desires to hold onto things that will satisfy our wants…as leaders, we will need to cut it: to make sacrifices for our younger brothers and sisters.  Like PSam said, “If you think you cant handle it, end it.”   We have seen our past seniors make a great effort to make a difference in the group, but there is still something missing….just look at the Sunday Worship…

ODPC class of 2011, lets make a stand this year and start spark that will change lives.

Why do all guys crave something that is so precious to a married couple and a gift from God?

To tell you the truth, I don’t really know how to answer this question.  But the only thing that gets to me is curiosity.  A guy’s hormones can range from 1-10000000.

********** 10:44 pm
(10:44:10 PM):     id be like

(10:44:12 PM):     why i want sex

(10:44:14 PM):     why i want sex

(10:44:17 PM):     i heard sex is fun

(10:44:20 PM):     a thrill

(10:44:25 PM):     im just a boy searching for the thrill of it

********** 10:46 pm
(10:46:45 PM):     soooo

(10:46:52 PM):     ima get a tattoo on my butt

(10:46:53 PM):     that says

(10:46:57 PM):     “straight ruthless”

another example:

********** 10:45 pm
(10:45:05 PM):     because im honry

(10:45:11 PM):     horny*

(10:45:23 PM):     why else?

When a hot girl walks in the room, the natural instinct for a guy to do is to look her up and down.  There is no control over it, it just happens LOL and you don’t know when you are staring.  Even the innocent looking ones are the most “deadly.”  There is no guy who is innocent of this sin, but for a guy, it is as if it’s a need.  Just like watching “pron,” it has the same connection of when one is trying to quit smoking…its that hard to stop.  I guess the only antidote for raging hormones and being a pervert is to just wait until you’re 60.  Or in my case….80

Okay… there are some misunderstanding of people who think that I am a guy who is well-rounded?  Especially the closest of them all….

There are some personality traits of mine that are pretty reckless in negativity and is probably the worst of the worst.  Today at missions training we were talking about what kind of animal is best-fitted with your personality.  One of the most accurate assertion…I was chosen the lion.  The lion has pretty decent strengths, such as visionary, practical, productive, strong-willed, independent, decisive, and a leader.  But it also has the worst traits possible.  Here are the negative traits that you may or may not see in me.

1.  Cold – I am probably one of the most cold-hearted person.  My heart doesn’t mourn for those people who are in need.  All I do is just walk past them only thinking about myself.  I could honestly careless of people who I don’t know or for those who don’t care about me.  I only care about my true friends and family.

2. Cruel – I don’t know but I love to mess with people.   LOL.  Again I really don’t care what I do to them, as long as it pleases me.  For my beneficial status anything is fair-game.  That is why  I need change and am going to The Gambia this summer.

3. Sarcastic – Sarcasm is one of my top negatively bulleted traits.  If someone gets something wrong, or if someone makes a silly mistake, I usually respond with sarcasm, thinking that it was such a worthless trying to let them figure it out.

4. Unforgiving – I am not a kind of guy to piss off.  Once on that “hate” list, it is pretty difficult to get erased.  But it takes a lot to really trigger my temper.  I MEAN A LOT.  I usually just brush it off or don’t care about the persons opinion towards me.  But if it is something that will stay in my mind, then uh oh.

5. Coward – I limit myself to the point where I know I can accomplish the things in this world.  Like William says…DANG willy CHANG 10:46 pm
i got 1 more for u
do u know what it is?
eddieTHEHOTNESS 10:46 pm
WHAT
DANG willy CHANG 10:46 pm
a bi***
LOL

…Yeah LOL.. I don’t like to take risks or try something new.  I love my comfort zone and don’t try to reach out for the other people in my grade or even in youth group.  It is as if I live in two different worlds.  It is not that we don’t have anything in common, just look at my closest group of friends…NOTHING in common, it is just that I’m scared.  Scared of change.  Scared of being in a new environment.  I hate change.

But…I have to say…God is slowly changing my heart and my life.  I view people differently and attempt to try to interact with them.  Even though I might not look like it, I care.  God is telling me to leave my Comfort Zone and to reach out to befriend others, especially the junior girls.  With God, there is always hope.

I do not know where to begin.  I have lived my life with no extraordinary hardships: just an ordinary lifestyle: daily routines.   I was born and raised in a Christian family at AKBC (Antioch Korean Baptist Church), where I met many of my friends who attend ODPC today.  A bad kid I was, when believing the whole world revolved around me.  I always knew that God was my savior, and that he is the alpha and the omega of my life and of the universe.  But my prospective of the way I viewed the world and how it works did not change until I met pastors Sam, Peter, and later on Matt at ODPC.  I consider myself having life easy compared to my fellow brothers and sisters in youth group.

At the beginning, my family attended a church called Antioch Korean Baptist Church.  There I grew up physically, and met my compatible and trustworthy friends, who are now my best friends in my life yet.  AKBC is where I heard about how God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only son to pay for our debt.  I really did not get the full understanding of Jesus’ love and how it worked, until I received my first dream/vision in first grade.  But, that did not change my heart to fully devote my mind and heart to him.  I pulled pranks, made kids and teachers cry, gotten yelled at by many parents, thought I was too cool for church, and broke everything I touched.  I even almost burnt the church shed down.  Little did I know that God had something planned for me from the beginning and will stay with that plan until it is fulfilled.  I only had a glimpse of God’s love at the time.

God was always in my mind, and I believed that Jesus came to earth to save us from death.  I really do not know when I was saved.  It is as if God had imprinted himself into my heart when I was born or something.  I have no clue why God would choose me out of every one in the world to give dreams and visions of what they’re supposed to do in their lifetime and how they are going to do it.  From the sceneries of the Garden to Eden to the gateways of Hell to my future self to questions that only God knows and now I know to advice on success, God had showed me in visions.  But I question God, why me?   Why a person who is so immature and so unfit for the task?  There are plenty of strong-hearted people in the world who thirst for Christ, but why me?  It gets me pondering question after question.  It felt as if my shoulders were heavy on reliance for the people and ultimately for God.

My mind and heart began to change and soften when I met my new pastors at ODPC.  After the deterioration of my old church, God had placed me in a church that I call family now.  Warm welcomes from students and especially from my pastors most effectively changed the way I viewed church: a family.  I wanted to give something back to the church, so I started to get involved with church activities and helping out where ever I was needed.  Mobilization in the church really shaped the way I viewed the world and really got me to connect to the brothers and sisters in the youth group.  Also, I began to accept the fact that God chose me to do this task instead of anyone else.  Through the passing time, I began to receive more visions from God and my purpose in this world.  The past retreat, I also received an answer from God about my spiritual gift.  In the prayer chapel, Phil was given a passage from God to give to me, which was Ezekiel 46:17.  “If, however, he makes a gift from his inheritance to one of his servants, the servant may keep it until the year of freedom; then it will revert to the prince. His inheritance belongs to his sons only; it is theirs.”  My gift was passed down from my past generation and that spiritual inheritance was in me.  With this spiritual gift, I will follow God’s commands and always look to him whenever I am in need.  ODPC youth group saved my life by helping me accept the visions God had stored for me, and for that, I want to help contribute the starting of something special for the youth group before I graduate from high school.